True love can never react so as to cause pain either to the lover or to the beloved. Suppose a man loves a woman; he wishes to have her all to himself and feels extremely jealous about her every movement; he wants her to sit near him, to stand near him, and to eat and move at his bidding. He is a slave to her and wishes to have her as his slave. That is not love; it is a kind of morbid affection of the slave, insinuating itself as love. It cannot be love, because it is painful; if she does not do what he wants, it brings him pain. With love there is no painful reaction. Love only brings a reaction of bliss. If it does not, it is not love. It is mistaking something else for love.
The above lines are not mine. They are from the patriotic monk Vivekananda. I have read many quotes on the same. These lines are simple in explanation and true to some extent. He further says “When you have succeeded in loving your husband, your wife, your children, the whole world, the universe, in such a manner that there is no painful reaction of pain or jealousy, no selfish feeling, then you are in a fit state to be unattached.”
He means love detaches a person from the lively world. But, are we born to be detached? Mr. Monk, I wish I could debate this with you. We are born to live. Expectations, desire, pains and so on are humane nature. It may harm one but it depends on how we handle it. When you have someone loving you, it protects, nurtures, enables you to dream, achieve and do everything along with your partner. Looks like those lines are written out of love failure. He should have seen people around him behaving like how he has written.
Rather, I ponder, should love not have expectations? If two people are in a relationship and love for each other, should they be without expectations from each other?
I feel its all about understanding, sharing, caring and living for each other. You expect yourself to be understood by your partner and the same from the other side. You expect your partner to share, care, and love and live for you. The same levels of expectations are there from the other side as well. Love sustains when those expectations are met. Living for each other takes love to a greater stage and it wont happen when there is only taking in either side. From tiny daily issues to big long term plans there have to be adjustments with both of them.
Humans tend to lose themselves after only giving from their side and lose heart of not getting anything in return and all the negative aspects of love begin there. All these in a relationship need more patience and determination and when the passion to live exists all the odds fly like dust.
