FWD:

Few fwd: jokes for the fast forward life...Enjoy...

1. Two men went into a diner and sat down at the counter. They ordered two sodas, took sandwiches out of their packs and started to eat them. The owner saw what was going on and approached the men. "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," he complained. The two men stopped, looked at each other, and then swapped their sandwiches.
2. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching." Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One of the boys wrote a note, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."
3. Psychiatric Hotline If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
4. The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name? "" Was the first thing the manager asked the new guy. ""John,"" the new guy replied. The manager scowled, ""Look, I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only -- Smith, Jones, Baker -- that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name? ""The new guy sighed and said, ""Darling. My name is John Darling. "" ""Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is... ""
5. A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled! " Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, "There's nothing in here about fifty people being swindled. " The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled! "